my saturday

Cancer doesn't feel so great the last few days.  It is Saturday and I woke up excited that I didn't have to go to work and thought of all of the things I wanted to do today. Cooking, craftying, cleaning, reading, walking, yoga, writing, copy/pasting interview data into excel columns... well, that last one wasn't actually something I really wanted to do but something I need to do.  I get excited about the weekend because I can cook without having to work for 9 hours and drive 2 more before getting to the stove.  I wanted to pull out those veggies and create healthy goodness for our tummies and do little things around the house.  Before long, I realized it was going to be one of those days, during which cancer was going to cause a little friction with my plans.  I found myselft feeling sick, trying to make things happen, only to realize I needed to lay down again and rest.   I had to shorten my to-do list, and remember my word.  Embrace. Yes, embrace.  I thought about my word for awhile, trying to find the things to embrace as I was feeling sick.  This is not easy some days.  I settled in for a little rest, a quick errand just to get out of the house for brief moment, made my favorite muffins (with dried cranberries and poppy seeds), and set out a little time for valentines.  I do love making valentines.  Then it will be couch/sleep time.  

Did your plans get a little off track?  I hope you embraced the new path.  Like I said, not always easy to do...

embrace

Inspired by a few people this year, I decided to select a word to guide my 2012.  A few months ago, I wrote a medical memoir essay, while enrolled in a memori writing online course.  I wrote about my experiences with late stage breast cancer and how I got married at exactly the same time.  I talked about my swirling two worlds that sort of co-exist, overlap at times, and make me feel like I am in a surreal dream other times.  I think the main point of my essay is that since the crisis of my diagnosis, now a bit over 3 years ago, I am in a different stage.  I am not cancer, I live with it and try to find pleasure in the moments of my life even if at the same time, I feel awful from cancer drugs.  I think the word 'embrace' is my perfect word for 2012.  I want to embrace my life, my husband, family, friends, work, my dog,  my brain for letting me work despite 'chemo brain' (most of the time), my feet for taking me places every day, garden, hobbies, my nurses, flowers, vegtables (cancer fighting ones of course), books, blankets, hot chocolate, snow, and what is to come, moment by moment.  I want to embrace my two swirling worlds together and enjoy all of it.   Today, I embrace the opportunity to stay in sweatpants and be on the couch for almost the entire day, and for my husband being in the kitchen!  I am trying to embrace the fact that it is Sunday evening and an extremely busy week is about to unfold, starting with 8am bloodwork! So glad I have this word...

I want to make a banner soon, to hang up in my room, so it can welcome me each morning as I rise.

winter recipe

I just made this delicious wintery recipe, Roasted Winter Squash Salad the other night.  It is the perfect recipe of winter veggies, a little beer for flavor, and leftovers are just as good the next day!  When I decided to make this recipe, I was mostly excited because it had currants in the recipe.  I realized that currants are a staple in my pantry.  I love them!   I used butternut squash and I did substitute scallions for the red onion (i don't like raw red oninons) and roasted pepitas instead of walnuts.  Mike hates celery so he was watching in fear as I was mixing this salad.  I told him not to worry and he ate it faster than I did so, it was a hit despite the little green pieces of celery!

the first house

Before my conference presentation, I started to feel my fatigue and feared that my 'chemo brain' was coming out to block my memory and mess with me as I presented my research.  So, I went for a brisk walk in sunny but freezing DC.  I walked about 5 blocks and found myself in front of The white house.  You know, I have been to DC so many times, but I don't think I ever stood right in front of the white house.  It was a strange feeling that I can't quite explain...(wishes, hope, excitement, history, suspicion, fear and more?).   It was kind of funny too, there were a bunch of kids playing street hockey just outside the iron gate of the white house.  I did not get any spottings of the First Family though.  Next time!

writing from dc

Yes, I am in DC again.  I totally don't mind that I was here just two months ago!  I am hear to present research at a social work conference.  I present later today.  When I arrived here on Thursday, I managed to sneak away for a few hours because I knew once the conference started, I would be stuck in the hotel for 12 hour days.  I found out that my favorite museum, the National Gallery of Art, is a mile away so I set off on a walk straight there.  Well, I made a stop when I saw a sign for authentic gelato.  I mean, I had to stop.  They had traditional flavors but they also had cardamom gelato and black tea gelato.   So I had both! Best gelato I have ever had since Italy!  Once I got to the museum, I saw a fabulous exhibit of an American photographer Harry Callahan, and his work in the 40s and 50s.  I also saw Degas, some 16th century Dutch painters, and the sparkly light installation (again)! 

OK, back to studying my presentation...

National Gallery of Art

{this moment} - my birthday date

Inspire by SouleMama - the friday routine:

A single photo to capture the moment, a simple, special moment to savor:

hello 2012

Mike and I rang in the new year quietly at home.  We made a simple, delicious breakfast on new years day and visited some family and friends.  My friend Jessie and I have been writing new year goals since college...many many years ago.   Today is my last day of vacation...I can't believe a week and a half has gone by and I am going to be thrown back into work madness.   When I left for vacation before Christmas, I was coordinating 2 research grants instead of 1, and when I get into my office tomororw, another research grant will be added to make 3! Yikes...I thought I would try to sit today and think about my goals for 2012.  I know that inevitably, some of my goals will be to get back to some of my good habits that I let lapse recently - yoga, reading, less internet, full glass of water as soon as i wake up, etc.  I know I have to add phsyical exercise to my list (which is always difficult, between painful feet from my cancer drugs and fighting fatigue about 98% of the time).  When I woke up today, I decided that I will give myself more time to think and take myself to a movie (I do just love a solo movie date, it is such a treat!)   I do want to really think about some goals and I also want to set a guiding word for my 2012, a special little ritual inspired by Hannah.  I have been thinking about words for a week or so and I think I am going to go with 'embrace.'  More on that soon...

I am very excited for 2012.

I had a few sips! 

New year simple breakfast at home in our sunlight kitchen

my first cup of 2012 tea....ahhh